The Journal
by Matsu Hamisura
Summary: The story of a Fire Nation servant girl who was always in the background...
1. Chapter 1

_Hello to those in the fan-fiction community. It's been quite a long time since I have written anything for this site, so I consider this my're-introduction'. This character, Rina, the Fire Nation Slave Girl has been in my mind for quite some time, but I haven't been able to give her a good enough character to put her into a story. Just telling the story, I believe, wouldn't be enough. So, I'm making this her journal. What she has seen, what she has done, and the person that she has become in my mind will all be put here. She has been a long time in the making, and I hope you enjoy this._

_Disclaimer- I do not own Avatar in any way, shape or form_

_**Entry 1- The Beginning of a Story…**_

To me, the beginning of a story is the most important thing to any story. Any good story has a good beginning. The Count of Monte Cristo, Romeo and Juliet, The Tell-Tale Heart. All of these stories have a good plot, but they start with a few simple, powerful words that captivate you.

So how does my story start?

My tale is far from the adventures of the previously mentioned stories. I'm just a lowly servant girl, nothing more. What is so interesting about that? All I did was follow my prince and kept a promise that I made to someone who was very kind to me. Nothing special at all.

Maybe the best place to begin this tale is by telling you my life and who I am. My name is Rina Naron. I am a loyal servant of the fire nation now, but when I was a child, I worked with my parents on a farm just on the outskirts of the capital city. Everything was sparse, and we worked hard for what we earned. But my parents couldn't afford what it cost to raise a child. So I volunteered to become a servant at the palace. They would feed me, clothe me and house me, and all I had to do was clean.

I began my training just after my tenth birthday. I was told not to speak unless spoken to, never talk to the royals, and never leave the palace walls unless instructed. I did everything I was told without fail. I was quiet, polite, and completely non-existent. I was invisible and hollow, with no one to talk to. I was the youngest servant, and the odd man out because of it.

I remember watching the Prince and Princess with their friends, Mai and Ty Lee. They played together every day while I watched them from up on a hill. I envied them so. Why could they have this happiness and freedom when I could not? Once, Ty Lee noticed me and asked me to join them. I quickly shook my head and ran away. I never watched them again after that. It was not my place to begin with, and I was intruding upon them.

After that day, I spent most of my time indoors. I taught myself to read in my spare time. I would sit in the shadows of the schoolhouse within the palace walls and study with the royal children. I learned so much in my first year in the palace, but I was still hollow. I missed my parents, and I felt alone in that place. There were two people who made my life a little more bearable, though.

The first of these two was Dragon Iroh. He noticed me sweeping the floors one day and invited me to have some tea and sandwiches with him. I found there to be no reason for me to indulge on his food and drink, so I kindly declined.

"Someone so small should not be without a friend, come."

He took my broom from me and pushed me down the hallway into the garden. I had never been in that area before, and I found it beautiful. I have since used that place as a getaway from my life.

"How did you know I didn't have a friend?" I asked the kind man. My curiosity got the better of me.

"Simply because of the look in your eyes." He responded, serving me tea.

Right after I left the gardens, I looked at myself in a mirror. My azure eyes did contain this sadness and weariness common in a lonely child. My black hair hung about my face in an oppressive way as well, making the sadness in my eyes more apparent. This sadness has since gone, but sometimes it returns.

I often spoke to Dragon Iroh after that day, and he was always kind and understanding. He was always willing to share his wisdom with me, even if I was too young to understand it. Another thing he did for me was introduce me to the most influential person in my life.

One day, Iroh and I were talking when the Queen and Prince Zuko started walking towards us. Acting on instinct, I instantly dove to the ground, my nose to the floor in a bow. Iroh simply laughed.

"Stand, young one," he told me, "I wanted to introduce you to them anyway."

He picked me up my by the collar of my tattered red shirt and stood me on my feet. I slowly started to freak out. We were told never to talk to the royal family. With every step they took towards me, my heart beat increased. I tried to look at the ground, but Iroh held my head up. The time dragged on until they were a few feet in front of me.

"Who is this little girl?" The Queen asked, a smile in her voice and on her lips.

"This is Rina, the servant girl I spoke to you about." Iroh responded.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Iroh had to slap me on the back to get the words to come from my mouth.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Little Rina, isn't that right Zuko?" The prince nodded slightly in agreement with his mother. But I could tell that he really didn't mean it.

Without another word, they left. I was instantly drawn to the Queen, though. She carried this light around her that shone in everything that she did and touched. I wanted that light for myself; I wanted that warmth that was in her smile. I began to follow her around like a stray dog and she never complained. She always talked to me, gave me scraps from her dinner and such. She created a strong bond with me. She stayed with me up until the minute she disappeared. She filled the space that Dragon Iroh left when he went to conquer Ba Sing Se. She stayed with me right up until her disappearance.

It should be noted that during this time, I rarely spoke to Prince Zuko. We were only casual acquaintances up until about a week before his mother left. During that week before we left, something changed. We actually spoke, we waved at each other when ever one saw the other, and we became friends. I think that's why his mother came to me that night…

"Rina…" A voice stirred the darkness of the slave's quarters. "Rina, wake up."

I stirred lightly, mumbling a sentence made up of no real words.

"I want you to watch over Zuko, make sure that he's safe."

"Hmm…?" I opened my eyes to see the Queen standing over me.

"Promise me. Promise me you'll watch over him." Her voice sounded urgent.

"W-Why?" Sleep still clung to me tightly, and I could barely comprehend what was happening.

"I don't have time, just promise me." The urgentness remained in her whisper.

"I promise…" I muttered.

And with that, she was gone. The next day, I couldn't find the Queen. Princess Azula took great joy in telling me that she had disappeared. I never remember crying so hard. My best friend was gone, and Iroh couldn't comfort me. His son had just been killed and was heading home. It was Iroh who needed the comfort.

I remembered the promise that I made the night before. I told myself that I would never break that promise. Even though my friend was gone, she was still around somewhere. I could feel it. I would never be able to forgive myself if I broke the promise. So I stayed close to the Prince. We still remained friends for many years before this adventure actually began.

And that is how my story begins…

_That is the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Please comment! I want three comments before the next chapter is put up!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello all. I am back with another chapter! Thanks to the people who have reviewed already! I'm so happy that some people somewhat like this story. _

_Disclaimer—I do not own Avatar in any way, shape or form._

_**Entry 2- Banishment**_

After I realized that the queen was gone, I broke. She was one of my few friends. She was the person who understood me most. Sure, I had Dragon Iroh to talk to, but I lost Prince Zuko. We talked rarely after the queen left. We saw each other on the grounds, but never spoke. I held tight to my promise, though. Even though I rarely spoke to him, I always checked to make sure that Prince Zuko was safe. I looked out of windows to check on him as he sat under his favorite tree next to the small lake. I constantly asked Dragon Iroh about him, and he assured me that he was fine.

He wasn't fine for very long, though. A few years went by without incident, and I started to let my guard down. I stopped checking on him. He was fifteen now, as was I. We could take care of ourselves. I noticed that sadness that Iroh noticed in my eyes began to return. Slowly but surely, the pain and hollowness returned and I shut off. I hardly ever spoke, I just cleaned all day. I even stopped having tea with Dragon Iroh every afternoon. He saw me slowly shatter, and he knew that I should be alone to find who I was again. He once told me that I look like I was expecting something horrible to happen. Maybe my psyche knew something that I didn't.

Soon after I stopped having my chats with Iroh, I heard through the grapevine of servant rumors that Prince Zuko had angered one of the men in the Fire Lord's counsel. The Agni Kai was just a few moments away. At that moment, my mind started working, no longer shut off to what was around me. The Prince was in danger. I had broken my promise. I could feel myself breaking into smaller pieces. If Prince Zuko got hurt, I would never be able to forgive myself. I would have broken my promise to the queen. All I could think was that I had to run, and I did.

I arrived at the site of the Agni Kai just as it began. My eyes were plastered to the Prince; bandages in my hand should something bad happen. I couldn't see who the Prince was to fight. But when the fight began, I heard Prince Zuko apologizing for his misbehavior. I realized that he was fighting his father. The first thing that I thought was that this was some sort of evil. What father would fight his own son?

Then the screaming began.

I hadn't paid attention to the fight because of my shock at the Fire Lord's cruelty. I heard a scream that seemed to pierce through my bones. I looked for the Prince, only to see him on the ground. He was holding his face and screaming in pain. At that moment, I truly shattered. Before that moment, I was just hollow. After the Prince's cry of pain, I just broke. I swear I could feel little shards of my inner self cutting me. That pain was numbing. I know it was nothing compared to what the Prince was feeling. He was still screaming when two of my fellow servants dragged him away. I didn't even hear the news of his banishment, all I could hear was his pain.

I ran to where they kept the Prince, bandages gripped between white knuckles. Dragon Iroh beat me to the Prince. Dragon Iroh looked up at me and frowned lightly. He stood and took bandages from my quivering hands and started to tend to his wound.

"Calm down, young one." He told me. "There is no need to cry, he will be fine."

"W-What?" My voice broke in a sob. I hadn't even realized how hard I was crying, or that I was even crying at all.

"We will have to leave soon." Iroh explained. He worked quickly as he placed the bandages over the Prince's burn. I realized then that Prince Zuko's screaming had stopped. He had passed out from the pain.

"L-Leav-e," I asked. "Why would we leave…?" The sobs had stopped for a moment, but the tears had not.

"Didn't you hear?" Iroh asked, looking at me with a very confused expression. "Prince Zuko has been banished until he finds the Avatar. It is the only way the Fire Lord shall accept him back into the Fire Nation."

"How cruel…" My voice was quiet and weary.

There was a silence between the two of us then. I wiped my tears away, and then looked at Prince Zuko with determined eyes. I had broken my promise once, and I refused to break it again.

"I'm coming with you." I said, my voice determined and unfaltering. Dragon Iroh just nodded, as if he knew what I wanted to do long before I spoke.

I helped carry the prince onto the ship as the rest of the crew boarded. As Dragon Iroh and I set down the Prince onto his bed, I knew that everything was about to change. I had some doubts that I would ever see the palace again, but I didn't care. I had to keep the promise, I just had to. I guess I had a ridiculous fear that the queen would find out that I broke my promise somehow, and I didn't want to disappoint her.

That night, as the Prince rested, I stood out of the deck of the ship. My long black hair blew in the ocean breeze and the ocean spray clung to my worn out clothes, but I didn't noticed. I was just watched as my life-long home disappeared on the horizon. At this point I decided something. I needed to keep myself from shutting down. I felt that after I shut down, everything spun out of control and I couldn't let that happen again. I need to live as I used to when the queen was here.

I will smile, I will talk, I will live.

I will be me.

_Chapter 2 is finished! Yes! I hope that this keeps up with the somewhat awesomeness of the first chapter. Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

Hello all! I have returned! I'm so glad to read all of your reviews. I hope that this story shall live up to your expectations! Without further adieu, here's chapter 3.

Disclaimer- I do not own Avatar in any way, shape or form.

**Entry 3- Hope**

I remember crying a lot the first few days of our voyage to find the Avatar. I spent most of my time in the iron room that I would now call home, hoping for my crying to stop. About three days in to the trip, Dragon Iroh found out what I had been doing when I wasn't changing the Prince's bandages. He left me alone for a while, until he realized that my crying wasn't going to stop. He sat in my room every day and we talked out my problems. He helped heal the small cracks and shatters that appeared when I shut down. He told me that the tears were the broken pieces of the old me leaving my body, making room for me to become the person that I was before. I reverted back to my old self within the first week thanks to him.

My smile returned as the days went on, but the Prince wasn't awake to see that. He had been unconscious since the Agni Kai. I went in to change his bandages every morning and evening, talking to him like he could hear me. It didn't help him, though. He seemed worse after we talked…Well, after I talked to him. The only thing he ever said was the occasional sleeping murmur of "I'm sorry." I could only assume that he was thinking of his fight with the Fire Lord.

Then, out of nowhere, he woke up. I was mopping on one of the lower levels when I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway. There, face wrapped in bandages and walking unsteadily, was Prince Zuko. But, in a few ways, it wasn't him. He looked drained of strength. He had been off of his feet for some time, so his style of walking was rather…drunk looking. His eyes were also different. They used to hold some kind of hope and clarity. Now, his amber orbs displayed shame, hopelessness, and anger. I couldn't help but to stare at him before realizing that I was staring at the prince, and being an incredibly rude servant.

"You-You're Highness!" I bowed at the waist. "I—You see—How are you feeling?" I stammered the words.

"It doesn't matter." The Prince's voice was cold and bitter like the biting winter winds. It almost made me flinch.

"Get the captain of this ship down here so I can speak to him."

"Yes, Your Highness." I hurried to go get the captain. I realized as I walked that I had never been so terrified by a person. I was scared of Zuko. He had changed…But, anyone would change when they are forced to leave their homeland.

I found the captain a few minutes later, telling him where the prince was and that he requested to see him. Dragon Iroh heard me talking and went to my side.

"My nephew is awake?" He asked me, I merely nodded in response. "How is he? Is he looking well?"

I shook my head 'no'. "He's terrifying." I answered simply. Dragon Iroh understood me and went to go speak to his nephew.

As soon as the Prince's bandages were removed, things went into high gear. We searched everywhere possible. Water tribes, Earth Nation settlements, the old Air Nomad temples. Nothing. Nothing at all arose from our searches. With each day that came to pass, I could see Prince Zuko become more and more frustrated. He was falling just as I had fallen all those years ago. There were times when he would just leave and stare over the bow of the ship. I started to worry for him. I knew how I felt when I was like that, and it was painfully to watch someone I knew go through that. One day, I confronted him.

It had been one year and three months without talking to the Prince when I finally spoke to him. I had been summoned to bring him his dinner, and I chose that time to speak to him.

"You're falling, you know." I started. "I can see it…" I had practiced a speech that I could've said, but I forgot every word the second I opened my mouth.

"What do you mean?" The Prince looked at me with judging and quizzical eyes.

"I mean…You're becoming who I was when this all began." I could tell that he still didn't understand. "I'm not surprised that you didn't notice…But," I sighed, thinking up the right words. "I shut down a few years ago, just like you did. It was a hard thing for me to get out of, and I don't want you to get sucked in as well." His eyes went cold at my words. "Just…Forget I said anything." I said hurriedly and started to leave.

"You sound like my uncle." Prince Zuko's words were coated with bitterness. Apparently he had gotten my speech a few other times. I sighed, leaving his room.

The prince didn't change at all after that. He was still cold, bitter, and shut off to the world. I hoped and prayed every day that we would find some clue of the Avatar. I hoped that the Avatar would bring the hope back to the Prince's eyes. Then, one day, it happened.

A blinding light shot up into the sky. It was so bright, that no one could've missed it. I was on the deck of the boat, as was the Prince. Prince Zuko ran to the railing, his hands gripping the iron as tightly as he could. It was a sign. I went to the railing as well, as did the rest of the crew. But, unlike the others, I was watching the prince. Hope shown from his eyes and the ghost of a smile was on his face. This light was the Avatar and he knew it. After two years, there was hope of going home. The prince started to shout commands, and I even pitched in with the effort to get the ship moving as fast as it could to the source of the light. I had gotten all I wanted, the hope had returned to the ship and its scarred leader. Who knew, maybe we could be home within the month? I didn't care, as long as Zuko didn't become what I had once been, I would be happy.

_Ooh! That turned out better than I had hoped! It should be noted that I have no idea what I'm doing when I start to write a chapter…I hope you all enjoyed it!_


	4. Chapter 4

Hello all! I'm sorry for my long absence. I have had such a writing block…It's horrible. I hope that this chapter is good. Please review, much appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar in any way shape or form.

**Entry 4- Weakness**

We attacked that water tribe village that day. As soldiers and shipmates ran off to support their prince, I remained where I was. I couldn't hurt those people as the prince intended to do. I turned my back on his actions even though I did not believe in them. It was what he thought he needed to do to capture the Avatar. I was surprised when I heard the retaliation of the water tribe, driving our warriors back to the ship and off of the island. The prince might as well have been a volcano upon returning to the ship. It was apparent that he intended to melt every inch of the ship in his frustration as we ran from the small tribe.

I, once more, said nothing. I let Dragon Iroh take care of the prince's anger. The truth was, I was terrified of the prince. I didn't want to cross him. I had no firebending to defend myself, no weapon. I would be a stupid person for trying to confront him. Because of this fear and feeling of weakness, I asked Dragon Iroh to teach me firebending.

I was very old to begin firebending, not to mention very clumsy. I burned my forearms very badly and started wearing bandages around my arms to hide this. I still have the scars on my hands and forearms from the early days of training.

I had barely any time to begin my training before we were attacked again. It was a jarring movement of the ship that drove everyone to the deck of the ship. I had looked up to see a Sky Bison overhead. The Avatar. The prince started yelling orders, telling us to capture him. Every attempt failed. The Avatar, along with a waterbender, took over the ship. I couldn't do anything but run away from the flurry of water that froze most of the crew to the ship. Everyone survived, but I had to spend a good portion of my day chipping crew members and a very angry prince out of the ice. Our ship had been damaged as well, and we had to head to a close Fire Nation dock to receive repairs.

There, we encountered General Zhao. I remembered his face, one of the many faces in the crowd of the Agni Kai. One of the smiling faces. Once I saw him, I felt a sense of anxiety creep over everyone around us. We had a very damaged ship and couldn't tell the general why. He was, no doubt, looking for the Avatar as well.

Dragon Iroh and Prince Zuko were invited to join General Zhao in his room in one of the areas on the dock. Dragon Iroh insisted on my coming with them, saying I was a personal servant who must be around at all times. The prince seemed to almost hate that I was with them. I noted this and stayed in the back of the room, barely listening to the conversation.

"The task of finding the Avatar is too important to be left in a teenager's hands."

That phrase woke me up. My eyes widened as the prince started to protest. How could he? We had been searching and finally found proof of the Avatar. He couldn't take that away. He would take away the prince's hope. I couldn't let him.

"You can't!" My sudden outburst got attention. A smirk appeared on the face of the arrogant captain face as I spoke.

"So, she does have a tongue." He said snidely. I frowned deeply; a look of hatred was probably on my face. "Aww, now she's upset." The general stepped closer, taking my chin in his hand.

"Don't touch me." I said, backing away. This upset the general and he grabbed at a stray bit of bandage that came from my arm. He pulled the piece of cloth away, revealing the first of many burns that would grace my arms. He grabbed the wound with much pressure, making me gasp in pain. The wound was just barely beginning to stab over, so his pressures on the wound made my arm start to bleed a little.

"Watch your mouth, servant scum." The pressure on my arm tightened, I gasped in pain again.

"Let her go." The calm anger in the voice made both General Zhao and myself turn to look at who had spoken. Prince Zuko. "I'll punish my own servant." He was now standing, obviously angry at me.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness." I apologized and Zhao let go of my arms. I started re-wrapping the bandages as Zhao spoke.

"Such an arrogant gathering." Zhao said. The prince frowned. "You can't take the Avatar hunt away from me." The prince said, purposely turning the subject away from me.

"Why can't I?" The general retorted. "I have higher rank over an outcast like yourself."

"Agni Kai." The two words I hated the most came from the prince's mouth. "Winner takes the hunt." Unfaltering, determined, the prince stood.

"Have you forgotten the last time you fought a master?" The general asked.

"Never." The prince answered, gesturing to Dragon Iroh and I that he wanted to leave. There would be an Agni Kai that sunset. There was no question. Dragon Iroh came to me, placing his hand on my shoulder as we left. "Please, wait at the ship." He told me. I wanted to protest, but he was trying to protect me. He knew I didn't want to see the prince hurt again.

The sun fell like a stone that day, bringing sunset faster than I would have liked. I stayed at the bow of the ship, not watching the fight that was taking place as I waited. I expected to see an even more burned and broken prince to return to the ship. I could have expected worse, but I didn't want to think about Zhao's merciless ways. I could hear the fight from where I was. The discharge of fire, the yells of battle cries. The silence that followed was deafening. I sat for a full ten minutes before seeing the two figures in the distance. An uninjured prince and a proud Dragon Iroh came into view and a smile spread across my face. I was ecstatic to see that this Agni Kai had turned out better than the last. It just reminded me of how strong the prince was. I couldn't help but to think that the Agni Kai was defending me as well as fighting for the rights to capture the Avatar. It made me feel so weak and helpless, just like I had when we were attacked by the Avatar.

The days that followed as we traveled on the ship, I trained hard. Every spare minute was spent firebending. Sometimes I spent my training with the prince as well and it was a good way of measuring my progress. Because of my rigorous training, I caught up to the prince in skill quickly. I also discovered something about my kind of firebending. The fire I created wasn't blue like Princess Azula's. It was a striking white when I focused my skills. When I didn't focus, it was a plain red fire. It was strange, but I found it to be a sign of the strength that I had.

I was no longer a weak servant. I could defend myself.

_That's all for this chapter. Once more, please review!_


	5. A note to fans

Fans! Don't think I have abandoned you! My inspiration just took a little cruise to the Bahamas for a while, is all. I am now re-writing many of my stories, starting with "Black Angel", my Death Note fic.

If you are not a fan of Death Note or that particular fiction, please be patient. I shall be making new versions of this story and others (excluding my Fruits Basket ones, my inspiration for that was probably killed on vacation) will be remade very soon, I promise you.

Thank you for bering with my slowness.

Much love, fans

Matsu 


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